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Counseling · Friends, family and changes

Friends, family and changes

Friends change. Families change. Schools change. Changes can feel big, even good ones. Talking about it helps.

What is changing for you?

Friend fights happen.
  1. Cool down first.
  2. Use “I” words: “I felt left out when…”
  3. Listen to their side.
  4. Friendship should feel safe. If a friend is mean over and over, see Bullying.
New baby, parents living apart, someone sick, a family member away: it is not your fault.
  1. Ask your questions out loud.
  2. Keep your routines.
  3. Tell your school counselor so school can help.
New places take time.
  1. Learn 3 things: your room, the bathroom, the counselor's office.
  2. Say hi to one new person a day.
  3. Join one club or team.
Grief is love that misses someone.
  1. Any feeling is OK: sad, mad, numb, even laughing.
  2. Talk, draw or write about the person when you are ready.
  3. Tell your counselor. They can help at school.
Money, food or a place to live: grown-ups at school can help quietly.
  1. Tell your school counselor or social worker.
  2. If your family lost its home or is staying with others, every district has a McKinney-Vento liaison to help you stay in school.
You belong.
  1. Find your people: clubs, teams, art, music.
  2. Being yourself is your right. NY's DASA protects students from harassment about who they are.
  3. Talk to your counselor if you feel left out.

For you, by grade

My grade:
Grades K-2

Friends and feelings

  • Making friends: “Can I play too?”
  • Sharing and taking turns.
  • Big changes? Draw a picture of how you feel and show a grown-up.
Grades 3-5

Friends and changes

  • Friend fights: cool down, use “I” words, make up.
  • Group chats and games can get mean. Leave and tell an adult.
  • Moving to a new school? Ask for a buddy.
Grades 6-8

New school, new friends

  • Going to middle school: locker, schedule, many teachers. Practice your route.
  • Peer pressure: “No thanks, I’m good” and walk away.
  • Friend groups shift. That is normal. Keep kind friends.
Grades 9-12

Relationships and life

  • Healthy relationships: respect, trust, no pressure.
  • Family stress, jobs, caring for siblings: tell your counselor so school can plan with you.
  • Grief and big changes can affect grades. Ask for a plan, not a pass.

For families

Helping a grieving child (NCTSN)

  • Give children time to talk, or to show thoughts and feelings in creative ways like drawing or play.
  • Encourage open talk when they are ready, without forcing it.
  • Practice calming and coping strategies together.
  • Take care of yourself and find supportive people.
  • Get guidance from a professional when hard reactions seem to go on too long.

Grief can look different by age. A younger child may be afraid to sleep alone; an older child may avoid reminders. Children of all ages may still play with friends.

When the family changes

  • Tell the school counselor about big changes (a move, separation, illness, deployment, a new baby). You choose how much to share.
  • Keep routines steady: sleep, meals, homework time.
  • Tell your child clearly: “This is not your fault.”

Housing or money worries

Every school district must name a local liaison for students experiencing homelessness (McKinney-Vento). The liaison helps children enroll in school and have the chance to succeed. Ask the school counselor or district office for the liaison's name.

For teachers

Transitions

  • Pair new students with a buddy for the first two weeks.
  • Grade 5 to 6 and grade 8 to 9: practice schedules, lockers and routes.
  • Check in privately with students after a family change or loss; loop in the counselor.

Belonging

  • SEL Benchmarks Goal 2: relationships that “nurture a strong sense of belonging.”
  • Use group roles so every student is part of the work.
  • DASA protects students from harassment about identity; report it.

Sources

General information to help students, families and teachers. It is not medical, mental health or legal advice, and it does not replace your school counselor, school psychologist, school social worker, doctor or a licensed professional.

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